This journey of parenting brings all of us together as fellow travelers in our wild and wonderful adventure. I'm sitting at my most frequently visited kitchen island (where the inspiration always hits me) and as I write, I can’t help but ponder on that question which probably crosses our minds at least once: Are we really making any difference?
Parenting. It is a marathon, not a sprint, and it has its moments of pure elation, its times of sheer exhaustion, and its countless moments of being in between that can leave you wondering if you are doing enough. There is no shortage of books, articles, and advice from family and friends that we consume in the hopes of mastering the complexities of parenting. But in the midst of all the chatter, how can we really be sure that we are on the right path? Well, friends, there isn’t a set of instructions or a secret recipe. Every child is unique, every family dynamic different.
However, through my personal experiences and observing the families around me over the years, I have begun to notice certain signs, not perfect indicators, but soft hints that tell me that we are raising our children in ways that support their development, well-being, and resilience. So, let’s get a cup of coffee, sit down and check out eight of these reassuring signs. This is just a little chat, a gentle reminder that often the good we are doing is more obvious than we make it out to be.
1. Your Child Feels Secure and Loved
This might seem obvious, but it is the foundation of everything else. Does your child seek you out for comfort when they are in pain or distressed? Do they show affection freely? A child who is in a safe, loved and accepted environment will more likely do well emotionally and socially. They know that they can always come home to a safe place no matter what difficulties they encounter. It gives them the freedom to explore the world knowing that they have a loving base to go back to.
2. They Communicate Openly (Even the Tough Stuff):
I am not suggesting that your teenager will suddenly become an open book (we all know that is a myth!). But do they, in their own time and in their own manner, discuss their ideas and emotions with you? Are they able to talk about sensitive issues even when they expect you to disagree with them? When communication is possible, even if it is not the easiest, it indicates trust and that they believe you can receive information without prejudice. It means they value your opinion and feel secure enough to open up to you.
3. They Are Developing Empathy and Compassion
Are you seeing your child show concern for others? Do they show empathy when someone is in pain or happy when someone else is successful? Empathy is the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes and feel what they are feeling; it is a vital life skill. It is developed by our own modelling of empathy and by helping them see things from other people’s point of view. Seeing your child showing empathy, even in small ways, is a powerful sign that they are developing a strong moral compass.
4. They Are Becoming Independent and Responsible:
This does not mean they are now doing everything just right (let’s be realistic!). But are you seeing little by little the process of becoming independent? Are they taking the responsibility of their tasks, however small? Are they learning from their errors, or do they always find fault with others? Developing independence means allowing them to try, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. It is about teaching them the necessary skills and confidence to be their own person. Research from a 2017 article in the *Journal of Child and Family Studies* by Vansteenkiste et al. supports this idea. Their study, “Autonomy-Supportive Parenting and Children’s Psychological Functioning: A Meta-Analytic Review” found that parents who were autonomy supportive had a positive relationship with various positive outcomes such as self-regulation, responsibility and academic motivation. It highlights the need to give children choices and to encourage them in solving problems on their own.
5. They Show Resilience in the Face of Setbacks
Life is full of bumps and bruises, and as much as we’d like to shield our children from them, it’s impossible. The real measure of their strength isn’t avoiding failure, but how they bounce back from it. Do they get discouraged, or do they eventually pick themselves up, learn from the experience, and try again? Resilience is a muscle that’s built over time, often through our unwavering support and encouragement when they stumble. It’s about teaching them that mistakes are opportunities for growth, not signs of defeat.
6. They Have Healthy Relationships with Others
Observe how your child interacts with their peers, siblings, and other adults. Are they generally respectful, cooperative, and able to navigate social situations? Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, effective communication, and the ability to compromise. While conflicts are inevitable, a child who can build and maintain positive connections with others is developing vital social skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
7. They Are Developing Their Own Interests and Passions
Are you seeing your child gravitate towards certain activities, subjects, or hobbies? Are they showing curiosity and a desire to learn more about things that excite them? Supporting their interests, even if they seem unconventional or fleeting, is crucial for their self-discovery and sense of purpose. It allows them to develop their unique talents and find joy in the process of learning and creating.
8. You See Glimmers of the Values You Hold Dear
This isn’t about creating mini-versions of ourselves. It’s about observing whether the core values you’ve tried to instill – kindness, honesty, perseverance, respect – are starting to take root in their actions and decisions. Do they show compassion to animals? Do they own up to their mistakes? Do they demonstrate a sense of fairness? Seeing these values reflected in their behavior is a profound reassurance that your efforts are making a difference. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Moral Education by Narvaez et al., titled "Integrative Ethical Education," highlights the significant role of parental ethical modeling and direct instruction in shaping children's moral development. The research emphasizes that children learn about values not just through what we say, but crucially through what we do and how consistently we reinforce those values in our interactions and teachings. Now, let’s pause for a moment.
As you reflect on these eight signs, are you perhaps recognizing more of these glimmers in your child than you initially thought? Parenting is messy, imperfect, and often feels like we’re flying by the seat of our pants. There will be days filled with tantrums, misunderstandings, and moments where we question every decision we’ve ever made. But in the midst of the chaos, these subtle signs can serve as gentle reminders that the love, effort, and intention we pour into raising our children are indeed making a positive impact.
Final Thoughts
Remember, my friends, that parenting isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about showing up, day after day, with love, patience, and a willingness to learn and grow alongside our children. It’s about fostering their unique potential and guiding them to become kind, compassionate, and resilient individuals. So, take a deep breath, trust your instincts, and celebrate those small victories. You are doing a wonderful job. You truly are.
Cheers to you!
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